Minnie (G)I-DLE opens up on WOODY FM about finding her identity during her early days as an artist, overcoming insecurity on stage, and shedding tears! Revealing stories she’s never talked about before, being mean to herself which led to depression, panic attacks, and overcoming difficult times.
Does your face look happy?
Minnie: Happy (laughs) because I just released a solo album. It’s my first album in my life. Today I’m giving it to Woody. There will actually be two versions, but I’m giving the pink version.
This is Minnie’s dream, her first mini album.
Minnie: It’s the first mini album. Yes, it’s called Her.
Why is it called Her?
Minnie: At first, I thought of many names. The title track is called Her. I felt that it was a song that expressed my identity very much, so I used it as the album name. Because this album has a lot of Minnie. I wanted to tell my story through other people’s eyes. I will use the name My Story, like Mind.
Or something like that, but this story is about trying to put myself out there and look at Minnie as a third person, that this is the story of this woman, like telling the story of someone else’s life. There are many songs, there’s the last song called Obsession, which has Ten featuring on it. I called Ten to ask if he could feature on me, there’s a song I’ve made a long time ago, I was saving it to release when I have my solo album, and then I thought of Ten so I contacted him, and Ten was like, okay, I’ll do it too.
At present, the MV Her has tens of millions of views, a lot of followers and comments. Most of them are very happy for Minnie. I want to know if the solo album will be as expected since I know you have been waiting for a long time?
Minnie: I’ve been waiting for several years. At first, there was a plan to go solo, but then it was postponed. We were expecting to release a solo, but it never happened. It was something that I was somewhat concerned about.
And then when it actually came out, I cried because when I was making this album, I did it from the very beginning, like from the process of making the songs, writing the lyrics, the concept, and how I wanted the image to be. Like the colors or the images, I chose everything myself. So it’s like our child. And then when it actually came out as an album that we could touch, at first when I saw it, I cried. Okay, I can die with my eyes closed.
How do you feel?
Minnie: I’m proud of myself. I did it. It’s like one of my dreams. And when I finally got to release it, it was like another step that I had achieved.
But on the contrary, I would like to ask that while being in this industry, one thing is that we have to make everyone like us. I would like to know how Minnie’s journey with this has been, and how has it changed?
Minnie: Since my first debut, because we didn’t know what this industry would be like, right? I felt like I couldn’t find myself. I was confused for a while at first because I had a filter. When I was in front of the camera,
I feel like I have some kind of filter where I feel like I have to act this way or that sometimes I’m careful. Like I think too much and I feel like sometimes I’m not 100% myself. But as time goes by,
We monitor ourselves and feel that we are too tense. I don’t know what I’m thinking, but sometimes when I see a camera, I feel like, no, I have to hide something a little bit. I’m not 100% myself. But after debuting, about 7 years ago, I started doing “Whatever”, so I’m more chill. When I’m in front of the camera, I feel more chill. I feel like I’m more relaxed. I can be myself without a filter.
During the transition period between feeling tense and not being yourself, and maybe not liking yourself?
Minnie: At first, I didn’t like it. I stopped watching it at that time. Then it turned out that it wasn’t right. I had to watch it. I just realized that I should adjust. I should monitor what I don’t like or feel that it’s not me. I should fix it.
But at first, I didn’t watch it at all. I stopped watching it. I didn’t want to sit and read comments or anything because sometimes I think too much. I keep thinking about it and it makes me even more tense. Later, I was like, okay, look at myself and change my mindset. If I don’t like it, I can change it. I gradually adjust. Then I gradually started to open my heart to myself and say, okay, it’s okay. I don’t know. I gradually change the things I don’t like. Then it gradually gets better. When I monitor myself, I see that it really has gotten better.
Besides looks and gestures, which change over time, what is the energy in us that you see as having truly changed from the days when we might not have had that kind of energy?
Minnie: At first, when I was on stage, I looked into my eyes and knew that I was worried all the time. I was not sure about something, even though I had practiced a lot. But when I found myself and was confident, my eyes changed. If I look back at old clips, I know that I look worried now. But later, I feel that I look more confident. I think my eyes can tell. I still have them these days. But I feel that if I am confident that I like being like this, it’s okay. What other people think is another matter. If I am okay with being like this, then it’s okay.
Many years of insecurity about that?
Minnie: Many years. I just recently changed my mindset. My fans know that I am someone who is very nervous on stage all the time. Every time I go on stage, especially on big stages or in new places, I get nervous. But my fans say that they can’t tell because when I actually go on stage, I have to change into another person. I wear a mask.
Is there anything that makes you feel more relaxed?
Minnie: I’ll hold my hand and tell myself, “You can do it.”
In singing solos, originally I would sing correctly, would I sing off-key? It might still be a little bit, but now I have more confidence?
Minnie: I feel like I just enjoy it. I start to open my heart and accept myself that it’s okay even if you make a mistake. Before, I wouldn’t say, “You can’t make a mistake, you have to be perfect.” I’m quite a perfectionist when it comes to work. But lately, I’ve just started to be kinder to myself and say, “It’s okay. Sometimes it’s okay to make a mistake, but you have to enjoy that moment as much as possible.”
And when you are mean to yourself?
Minnie: Sometimes I monitor myself and it’s like, is this all I can do? You should do better. I like it like this. I like putting pressure on myself and like, okay, no, next time I have to do better. Every time I perform, I feel like I have to be better than last time. It never ends. I feel like, okay, it’s good that we have to develop ourselves all the time. But sometimes we’re not robots because sometimes we might have days where we’re tired or sometimes we’re weak. We have to be kind to ourselves like, okay, today I’m like this, but I did my best at that time. It’s okay.
The topic I’m talking about today is something I just learned about recently. It’s something that everyone can relate to and will be very useful to many people. Thank you for being willing to share this topic.
Minnie: Yes, I never told anyone. Only a few people know, my close friends. I’m not sure when it really started, but it started when I was a trainee. We had a routine of practicing, and we didn’t go anywhere. We practiced every day. And they had a psychiatrist come to check every 6 months or something, I’m not sure. They would come to check if we were okay or not.
And he will update the company, but after debuting, it’s not like that. He won’t come to check. If we feel like we want to consult, we have to go find him ourselves. I feel like I’m okay, I don’t think about it. But I feel like there were many times when I started to feel negative, it was really down, but I think it’s okay, I might be sensitive, it’s okay. But there was one time when I really felt that it wasn’t normal.
It was after COVID. It was like a year after COVID, when we went to perform somewhere, most of the time, fans couldn’t come to see us. We were on stage and taking pictures with cameras, so we didn’t see people for a year. Then after COVID, I had my first tour, and suddenly I saw a lot of people. I’m not sure if I couldn’t adjust, but I started to panic during my first tour.
Do you remember what the symptoms were like the first time and how they came about?
Minnie: I was so shocked. At that time, I was on stage. Suddenly, I felt that the eyes were looking at me. I felt like, why are they looking at me? What are they looking at? Even though they are fans who admire me and come to see me. And it is my dream to have a World Tour. Why do I feel this way? Suppose someone raised a camera to take a picture of me. I felt like, what are they taking a picture of? Did I do something wrong?
Why did he have to film us? I fought with myself about why I had this thought in my head and then a voice would say, Get out of here, you shouldn’t be here. This is not your place. I was fighting with myself. If the audience couldn’t tell, they wouldn’t be able to tell. I stood there and thought, what happened? It was like there was a Devil and an Angel in my head. The Devil said, “You shouldn’t be here. They don’t welcome you here.” And then the Angel said, “No.” They came to see us. Why do you think like that? But at that moment, I thought the Devil was really big. We could only hear the Devil.
We would hear the Devil’s voice saying, “No, you have to get out of here.” I just knew I had to get out of here. And I felt like, “Oh my God, I have to get out. I have to get out of here.” And then I fought with myself and when the show ended, I cried. I cried really hard. It went on like this for several days straight. I think it was because we performed every other day. When I finished the show, I flew the next day. Every time I opened my eyes, I was confused about where I was. It was like, “Where am I?”
Didn’t tell anyone?
Minnie: At first I didn’t tell anyone. I tried to pull myself together. I didn’t want other people to worry because I knew that everyone was tired at that time and I didn’t want to add stress or anything. When I got to the room, I closed the door and cried really hard. Why do I feel like this? (crying) What happened? When I entered the room, I remember that at that time in the hotel, we could see the room across from us. I was sitting on the bed and this was the window. I had closed the curtains but I felt like someone was watching me the whole time.
And then I couldn’t sleep. It was like I felt like someone was staring at me the whole time. I said okay, this isn’t normal. At first, I just told the manager that I really couldn’t sleep. I felt very unsafe, but I didn’t know what it was. He was like okay, go back to Korea and see a doctor. It was on and off. During that time, let’s say I went outside and it was a place with a lot of people. I wouldn’t be okay, even though I like meeting a lot of people. But during that time, when I met people, I thought, if they were looking at me, why were they looking? Why did they have to look? And I would always look at the floor. It wasn’t okay, so I went to consult.
How depressed was your mental state before you went for consultation? Was it the worst in your life in terms of psychiatry?
Minnie: I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I was probably shocked and didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t want my fans to know because they would worry. I didn’t dare tell my parents at first because I was afraid they would worry because we didn’t live together. I remember calling my close friend in Thailand and telling her.
I just said I wasn’t okay and cried. Then my friend let me cry and tell me what happened. I told him that I felt really weird and didn’t know why I felt this way. I felt really bad. It shouldn’t be the way I am right now. So I went to the doctor. I was really confused. The doctor said, “Why is this happening now? Haven’t I had any signs before?”
But I think that there have always been signs, but we just ignored them. It’s okay, everyone feels this way. We can feel it. Sometimes when I come home, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to see anyone, even though I usually like to see my friends a lot. There was a time when I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want to do anything, I felt a little burned out. I don’t know why, but it seems like I’ve come a long way to get to this point.
And what did he say it was?
Minnie: They said it was depression and panic attacks.
So what’s the next step for you after you know?
Minnie: He said that we should come see the doctor often, at least to tell or talk to him, but we don’t have time. What I want to say is that sometimes we don’t have time. We tend to overlook this, even though it’s really important. It’s like when we’re not feeling well, we have to go see a doctor. For example, if we have a bad cough, we have to go see a doctor and take medicine. Mental health is also very important. You have to find the right time, otherwise it will affect everything and you won’t be able to do anything.
Finally, how do you take care of it?
Minnie: At first, the doctor wanted to give me medicine, but when he said he wanted to give me medicine and I cried, no, I don’t want to take the medicine, can I still not take it? He said okay, then I have to go see the doctor. I talked to him often until I felt better or if I really can’t take it anymore, I have to take the medicine. So I went to see the doctor and consulted about this and that and I felt better. But I feel that everything depends on us.
What are panic triggers?
Minnie: One is that at that time we couldn’t adjust in time. The doctor said that it might be because we were traveling all the time. We didn’t have a fixed place. We didn’t live in a house or a place that we felt was safe enough to be our home. So we didn’t feel safe. This might be a trigger. Two is that there were a lot of people. Like the first year we performed on a small stage, which was very crowded. There was no space between us and the audience. We were quite far away. And we might have felt that it was too close.
Is being a perfectionist related?
Minnie: It’s very relevant. The doctor said that you have to be kind to yourself because it seems like you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. That’s probably a big motivator. No one can help us except ourselves. (Crying) I’m lucky that the people around me have good friends, a good team that’s ready to support us, and good members who are ready to support us. But at the end of the day, when we go home to sleep, we’re with ourselves. It’s us who have to pull ourselves up. So I feel like I have to be kind to myself a lot. That’s very important.
What have we learned from taking care of ourselves?
Minnie: I think that mindset is very important. If we can change our mindset or accept who we are, it will really improve. I feel that sometimes we have to accept it. For example, today you did something wrong and it’s not okay, accept that it happened. It’s okay. Next time, do it again tomorrow. Accept it and be ready to move on.
You have to learn to let it go. We can’t go back and fix it. And enjoy the moments more. I’m glad that I got through it. I feel like I’ve grown a lot inside. I feel like I can appreciate things or what I have more. Because in the past, I was so busy worrying about this and that that I forgot that what I have now has come a long way. You’ve done well. Now you have fans who support you this much. Even though you started from zero on the first day, you still have friends, good members, and a family who supports you. You should be able to appreciate and feel good about it. I feel sorry for the past time when my mind wasn’t with me. Come back to the present more.
