From couple to parents of two, “Bie Thassapak and Gubgib Sumonthip” insist that for the past 10 years, the one thing that has never disappeared is their relationship as a couple. They revealed their golden rule for their marriage: no matter how serious the arguments, they never threaten to break up. In the program WandOland , they shared their methods for maintaining their relationship as life partners, close friends, and a parenting team, because for them, having children doesn’t mean stopping their love for each other as a couple.
How is your teamwork in raising children and in your relationship as a couple?
Gubgib Sumonthip: I can tell you that our family has very strong teamwork. We divide our responsibilities quite clearly. My daughter once said something—and it didn’t come from me—that when she’s with Bie, she feels like she gets to do things, things that are strong, fun, and enjoyable. She can do that with her dad. But when it’s me, it’s more about comforting, talking, having fun, being feminine, chatting about random things, listening, laughing, and having fun. She said that one day when we’re separated, she can’t choose who she wants to be with because she feels like she needs both of them. Mom and Dad can’t be separated—that’s what she told me. When we’re together, she feels that our family is the best for her. When we heard that, we knew that it means we divide our responsibilities according to our preferences and strengths.
Bie Thassapak: Actually, our personalities are very different. That’s why we can work together as a team. You’re good at this, so you take care of the children in that area.
Gubgib Sumonthip: But even if one side isn’t comfortable with the other, we should try to understand and adapt to each other. This means trying to blend in. I think teamwork comes from communication, conversation, and not being full of ideas. We adapt to our children and to new things we hear or learn constantly. If this approach doesn’t work well, let’s talk and adjust. She needs to adjust, I need to adjust.
Bie Thassapak: For me, I’ve learned a lot. Because, for example, I have two daughters, and there are details that I’ve never encountered since they were born. I thought, “Wow, is it like this?” It’s something that girls experience that I never knew. It has to be this detailed, right?
Gubgib Sumonthip: I think what’s endearing about Bie is that he’s understanding and tries to understand. I also try, and it’s been 10 years now.
Creating a safe space for your children at home?
Gubgib Sumonthip: But one thing we always talk about, and I think it’s important to share, is that when we talk, we don’t want people to feel like we’re lecturing them. We’re just sharing our family’s perspective. But one thing that I’ve found to be truly effective, and that our child has responded to, is that they feel this house is their home. Many parents overlook the fact that they think, “This is my house, I bought it, I built it, the children are just residents.” The truth is, this is everyone’s home. We all need to be ourselves. Children need to feel that this is a safe space where they can be themselves. They should dare to think, speak, make mistakes, and do whatever they want without being judged by anyone in the house. Instead, we should gradually guide and teach them the house rules that everyone follows equally. It’s not that once a child is here, they have no rights. We constantly remind each other that the way this house should be isn’t determined by you or me. We all have to contribute to making the environment of this house stable and safe. Therefore, the child won’t want to leave this house because it’s their home, not their parents’.
Bie Thassapak: Sometimes we shouldn’t use the standards of adults that we’ve learned, the perfect minds we have, to assume they should understand, that they should be like us, that their minds should be as developed as ours. There are some things we’re beyond that, things we need to learn together.
Does the quality of relationships come from upbringing and growing up in the home?
Gubgib Sumonthip: Yes, that’s true. One day I thought that children have their own personalities. Even if you raise them the same way, your children will have different personalities.
Bie Thassapak: But I just feel that when it comes to grandparents, we don’t pass on everything they taught our children.
Gubgib Sumonthip: We’ll keep repeating to ourselves, “We are the new generation.”
Bie Thassapak: There are some things we have our stance on, like “This way of raising children is better,” or “This way of teaching is better in this day and age.”
Gubgib Sumonthip: We prefer to share stories. For example, if they talk about a problem, Dad will tell us about his childhood, what he was like, and what I was like. But we’ll say, “This is Dad, this is Mom. We have different personalities, but you are you. Weigh the pros and cons and decide what you want to do. Mom and Dad weren’t there with you, but we share our mistakes. For example, we might have had bad habits in the past that led to these mistakes. We don’t want our children to be like us, but we want them to have a good attitude and a good way of life in their own way. So they don’t have to be like us.”
What do you think he likes best when you behave?
Bie Thassapak: He acts cute because I like to tease him. He likes it when I act cute.
Gubgib Sumonthip: I find him so adorable.
Bie Thassapak: Because my fingers are short, they always tease me when I do something.
Gubgib Sumonthip: It seems contradictory, but I think it’s a masculine side of him. I like it when he acts cute and innocent like this because when he was courting me, he was also very cute. I’ve never met a guy who acted this cute before in my life.
Bie Thassapak: When we’re outside, if there are people around, we’ll act a bit reserved, but when we do something cute, Ghib will laugh.
Gubgib Sumonthip: When I’m about to get angry, as soon as I see his face, I tell him to do something funny and cute.
Bie Thassapak: In short, my main focus is on comedy, making them laugh. That’s probably when they like me the most. It’s just my personality; I always try to make people in the house laugh, whether it’s with my kids or with them. If there’s any way to make people laugh, I’ll do it.
Gubgib Sumonthip: We once talked about how great it is for couples to laugh together every day. But Gubgib said we already laugh too much.
Bie Thassapak: Because on the way home, which takes about an hour and a half, we talked and laughed all the way home, and then we talked about how our conversation was completely pointless. I have very few close friends, and we talk about all sorts of nonsense every day. I feel very lucky. I always tell him that Gib is both my lover and my best friend, the one I talk about all day and laugh at pointless things.
Gubgib Sumonthip: But we’re not just friends who can talk about everything; we’re a couple. Some people are so close to being friends that they forget what it means to be a couple or the excitement, but we don’t. We both take good care of ourselves and express our love through touch. We still have that love there.
Have there been times when you felt neglected to the point where you felt less important than before?
Gubgib Sumonthip: If it’s anything serious, there’s nothing serious, but we like to joke around. Since having a child, he loves the baby so much. He hugs and kisses the baby all the time, always putting the baby between us. I have to tell him, “You kiss the baby, but you don’t kiss me! You’ve changed!” Then he’ll rush over to kiss me. We have a morning kiss in the morning and a kiss before bed, but during the day, I just want that all the time. I like to tease him when he hugs and kisses the baby, saying, “You’ve changed, haven’t you?” Then he’ll rush over. I often say that we have to kiss every time before going to work. The cute thing about him is that he’s afraid of waking me up. But my feeling is, Bie travels constantly, working in other provinces or countries. We never know what might happen, whether he’ll come back or not, or if one of us will be okay. I don’t want to give him hints about what we might do on a particular day. Bie and I try to live each day as if it were our last, that we’ve done our best in everything.
Maintaining consistency and communication to stay connected?
Gubgib Sumonthip: I think communication is important. What keeps our family together as a team is that when we speak, the other person responds immediately. When I speak, Bie knows right away and rushes over. That’s why everything stays the same, remains strong. It’s about connection; you can’t ever let that connection slip away. Don’t make excuses. If someone speaks, don’t make excuses. Just do it first, then explain later. He likes me to hold his hand and touch him wherever we go. Even if we sleep far apart with our child in between, our legs have to touch. We have to talk before bed. One day, I was sick and fell asleep first. He came back around 10 pm and said he was very lonely and didn’t know who to talk to. That’s when we realized how important we are to each other, even though we talk a lot throughout the day. We need to stay connected at all times.
Even though you have children now, do you still check in on each other’s dreams?
Gubgib Sumonthip: Always.
Bie Thassapak: But Gib’s dream is to have a complete and happy family. That’s Gib’s dream. But Bie also has his own dream.
Gubgib Sumonthip: I always ask him, “Are you still the same? Are you still going in the same direction? Are you still doing this because of this, because of this dream?” He’ll say that sometimes he changes for his children, for the money, or that he still wants to do this. Deep down, he still wants to make music. So I’ll support him if it leads to growth and generates income, and if it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If he doesn’t do it now, when will he? He has to do it. He’s always grateful to me.
Injecting positive reinforcement with praise builds children’s confidence.
Bie Thassapak: I feel very confident in my life because of my mother. Since I was a child, she’s told me, “You’re doing great, you’re very talented, you sing very well,” even when I wasn’t a good singer. She would still say, “Very good, you’re very talented.” These are little things that give you a lot of confidence, daring you to do things that others might find exciting, but for you, it’s not. You like it. Bie recently talked to Gib about the concept of manifestation, like we’ve heard this kind of thing all our lives. That’s who we are, that we need to feed this positive energy to our children.
Gubgib Sumonthip: Some people might disagree, saying that praising children too much isn’t good, but I think you should praise them. They’re growing up. When they go out, they’ll hear countless compliments throughout the day, and they’ll accumulate those compliments to build their confidence and motivation. We have to praise them with reason. No matter what, we need to build their confidence because it’s a great source of energy. Being with their family, I know their mother praises them all the time. I like to joke that the high number of views on their YouTube videos is because their parents watch and listen to them all day long.
Bie Thassapak: Sometimes my daughter, Paopei, likes to dance. When we’re at the supermarket, Gib will think it’s strange and tell her, “You don’t need to dance in the supermarket.” But I see it differently because we used to be like that. We danced wherever we were. It’s okay. Let her practice, even if it looks a little strange.
Gubgib Sumonthip: We just say that you have to consider what’s appropriate. We never forbid our children from being themselves, but we need to know how much of ourselves we can be in certain situations and how we should be in others. Everyone has dozens of faces; don’t say we only have one identity. We all have many roles. The only thing children should learn is when to do what. As adults, we also need to know what’s appropriate and what’s not. You have to be smart, observant, and behave appropriately. Each child requires a different approach to raising.
Does childhood determine a child’s quality of life and the reduction of emotional trauma?
Gubgib Sumonthip: We’ve talked about it, and one of the things we’ll try our best to do is to minimize the emotional scars these two children experienced as young as possible. Because if they don’t have too many emotional wounds, we believe they will grow up well and overcome problems more easily. Suffering doesn’t last long; in our family, we try to get rid of suffering as quickly as possible.
How do couples who are like best friends help each other overcome life’s obstacles?
Bie Thassapak: Besides being a couple, my relationship with Gib is also like a close friendship. Being close friends means we often yell at each other, argue, or do crazy things to relieve stress. When you’re with a close friend, no matter what obstacles you face, doing crazy things together makes you forget about bad things. This is something Gib and I always experience. When we face challenges or stress, it helps us forget about them. I’m very happy that we’re both lovers and best friends; when we’re together, all the obstacles and problems in life just disappear. That’s very important. In life, as we develop, the people around us may become fewer because we focus on other things, and friends may not be on the same path as us, making opportunities to see each other less frequent. Being both a lover and a best friend is therefore very fortunate.
Gubgib Sumonthip : The main thing is not to judge each other, because we can never know how they feel. Sometimes we judge from our own perspective without putting ourselves in their shoes. Many times, I was confident in my own opinion and thought it was right, but as time went on, what Bee thought was more correct. If I had followed Bee’s thinking from the beginning, I might have felt more comfortable or that it was the right thing to do. It’s become a situation where we don’t judge each other. He can be himself, dare to share his sadness, sorrow, or problems without feeling scrutinized. We can talk, adjust, and discuss things, which creates a sense of comfort. I can talk to him about anything knowing he won’t judge. Sometimes he just sits and listens, not offering advice or help, but he’s there to listen. A close friend is someone who just sits and listens. It’s the same with raising children. When our children tell us things, we just sit and listen without lecturing. As husband and wife, it’s the same – being ready to listen to each other.
When you’re arguing, what’s the rule you agree on that you absolutely won’t break?
Gubgib Sumonthip: One thing we’ve never done in the past 10 years is say “let’s break up.” We’ve never threatened to end the relationship, never threatened to break up, or said anything like that. This is something that Gubgib and Bie have never done in 10 years. The word has never come out of our mouths even once. At most, we’d just be quiet and not talk to each other, but we’d be talking again soon. Especially after having a child, we didn’t want our child to feel that kind of atmosphere. We always had to talk things out quickly.
Is there an agreed-upon rule about what shouldn’t be done in front of the children when arguing?
Bie Thassapak : What I wouldn’t do is leave the house. At most, we’d go our separate ways, be quiet and distance ourselves for a while, and then talk again later.
Gubgib Sumonthip: There’s one rule: no insulting each other’s mothers. We won’t say anything hurtful because you can’t take words back. And everyone loves their parents, so whether the problem originated from that or not, we’ll never bring it up. Absolutely 100% never. It won’t be brought up, no matter what the issue is.
What do you think your partner secretly fears something they’ve never talked about?
Gubgib Sumonthip: Ultimately, health is the most important thing. Nothing is more important than physical health. We always say that no matter how many dreams or how much money you have, if you’re not healthy, everything is over. In our family, we always try to put health first.
