Who would have thought that James-Ruangsak Loychusak would plan his family life so meticulously, listing everything before getting married? He revealed the behind-the-scenes details on the show MY DADDY James , discussing his struggle with infertility for over a year, the most difficult part being the day his wife suffered her first miscarriage! He warned that muscular men don’t necessarily mean they have easy children; you can’t judge a man by his looks! And his key philosophy is being a “real father,” valuing his children’s time more than his own. This philosophy has become the formula for a strong and thriving family.
Looking back to the time when your family experienced infertility, how difficult or easy was it, and how did you deal with the problem?
James Ruangsak: We were a married couple, like any other. I was an athlete, a triathlete at the time, very strong. I was in my reproductive years, and considered attractive. Our understanding was that since the man was strong and the woman was good-looking, we should have children right away after getting married. But we tried naturally for six months, a year, and it still didn’t work. I got married when I was about 39, and she was probably in her thirties. We tried for a year without success. It wasn’t that we couldn’t conceive at all, but we couldn’t keep going. There was a feeling of despair; the woman felt it more than I did. She felt dramatic, like she was worthless, that she couldn’t be a mother. Meanwhile, she saw other women her age, and wondered why they had normal lives but she couldn’t. Because at that time, I wasn’t “Kru Kooi Baby and Mom”—I didn’t know anything about infertility. I blamed myself, became depressed, and felt down. There were even nights—I remember the nights we didn’t conceive, and the attempts to conceive didn’t work—I would just have nightmares, like, “Why am I like this?”
At that time, we tried both natural and scientific approaches.
James Ruangsak: Yes, back then it was very basic. The scientific process starts with the simplest steps. For example, the first step is to consult a doctor. The doctor recommended trying the calendar method first, the simplest way, and then trying naturally. The second step is called IUI, which is where the doctor takes sperm and the woman’s egg, puts them through a test tube, and then fertilizes them into the woman’s internal system. We tried this method, but it didn’t work out. We felt like the atmosphere in our relationship was getting really bad. The worst, the most devastating day was the day Kru Kooi had her first miscarriage. I remember answering the phone, and she was crying uncontrollably. Scientifically speaking, at that time, it was natural selection—nature selects out the imperfect embryos. It was very normal. But because we didn’t know much about it then, we thought it was her fault.
When Kru Kooi became like that, deep down, I personally thought, maybe she was actually a good person, and it was really me. The atmosphere was like this, which made the atmosphere of our relationship at that time very tense. But as a man, I had to try to keep it going. “It’s okay, we can manage on our own,” something like that. That was a turning point in my life. Kru Kooi started learning and researching about having children, including infertility. She started reading research papers, consulting with doctors, and attending seminars on fertility and the reproductive system. She went all the way to truly understand the subject. And as she did that, she began to understand what was happening in her life, why she had difficulty conceiving, and what those tumors and bleeding meant. Once she understood that, Kru Kooi became a completely different person.
Did you change your lifestyle or anything else?
James Ruangsak: Things changed a lot. Once I started to understand, I discovered that the problem actually stemmed from ourselves. The first thing you need to do is know what the problem is, what causes it. Is it the woman’s problem or the man’s? What I (Kru Kooi) encountered at that time was that people thought that if you pay, everything is guaranteed to be solved. For example, if you have a problem and you go to a hospital or infertility clinic, thinking, “I have money, I’ll pay, and I’ll get a child,” will you get one? No, no hospital or clinic can guarantee 100% that you will get a child after that procedure. Therefore, a step that is just as important as the medical process itself is the step before entering the medical process. This is the origin of the term “Kru Kooi’s Guide.”
Now that we know where the problem lies, men like us might feel embarrassed if we have difficulty conceiving. How should we open up about this?
James Ruangsak: Actually, both men and women who feel that way, according to traditional Thai beliefs, are considered incomplete daughters-in-law. Men, in particular, have a belief about being “inferior.” This belief, in men’s perception, is a feeling of low self-esteem. “I’m healthy in every way, but I’m infertile.” These two feelings cause many couples with infertility to be reluctant to disclose this to their families. For example, they don’t get tested. “I’m perfectly healthy,” they say. In reality, these checkups don’t check for infertility. This means the problem remains unresolved, undiscovered, and unaccepted. This is a common misconception among men. So, for men, if the criteria for infertility is that after six months or a year of consistent intercourse, they can’t conceive, then they fall into this category. First, they must accept that they may have difficulty conceiving. Go to the hospital and get a health checkup—both the man and the woman—to find out what the problem is. They have to accept it.
In my era, people would say that 35-40 is too old to have children. What’s your perspective on this, to tell younger generations that it’s not that late, it’s not that bad?
James Ruangsak: We have to admit that the world today is not like the world of the past. Take the 1990s as an example; even building a family in those days wasn’t easy, and it’s even harder now. For example, if a couple wants to get married and then establish themselves to the point where they can raise children, it’s a very difficult thought. They’re afraid they won’t be able to raise their children well enough, or they’re afraid of the current environment. These fears lead people to avoid having children, perhaps citing reasons like “it’s not necessary in this modern world” or something else entirely.
Due to expectations and the economic situation, by the time you’re truly ready, you’ve already passed that age?
James Ruangsak: Yes, yes. But James, do you believe that one thing that’s irresistible is what I’d call a “call of nature”? It’s a voice from nature; nature is very intelligent. It implants this gene in every human being, giving humans love, giving humans the feeling that “I want to have offspring for what?” To ensure the continuation of the human race, to prevent extinction. This feeling might be overshadowed by the values of that era, but ultimately, as we get older, those values will gradually fade, and the natural instinct will call us back. In the end, no matter how difficult it seems, humans will ultimately strive to have children. I believe that. I’m not going to tell everyone to have children—that’s not right, it’s not that extreme. But I’d say it’s better to change your mindset and figure out how to be prepared, how to cope with this changing and frightening world. There are ways.
For Meda, did you plan on being apart like this?
James Ruangsak: The planning focuses on quality over quantity and speed. We want each child to be born and receive the most quality time and love we can provide. This is also part of my personal trait; I’m someone who values sustainability and likes to plan things carefully. I dislike anything superficial. Therefore, I believe that the six years of separation from a child is the best time for me to raise them and give them true quality time, and then the second child can come later.
How are you planning for yourself, your family, your unborn child, and even your child after they’re born? Do you think about it a lot at that time?
James Ruangsak: “I never thought I wanted to have a family. Actually, I’m someone who loves happiness in life, loves my freedom. My life as an artist in the 90s was so happy. There was so much freedom, so many good things happened, so much happiness and contentment. So I thought there was no need to have a family; I could just live like this. That’s why I got married at 39. But then, as I said, a call of nature struck me, telling me it was time to have a family, to have someone come into my life. It was perfect timing when I met my wife; it was a coincidence that seven stars aligned. That day I decided that if I was going to choose the path of pleasure, I would go all the way. But if I was going to choose the path of building a family, I would go all the way too. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to create a happy family. Once I had that goal, I had a picture in my head of what a happy family looked like. It’s like planning a business.”
How did you plan your children, and did it turn out as planned?
James Ruangsak: Regarding children, if you’re married and want to have children, you have to be a “real father.” Let me explain: every father loves their child. Fathers who work hard and have no time for their children still love them; it’s not that they don’t love them, but there are necessities and circumstances. However, there’s another type of father who makes time for his child. The moment the child is born, they see him. That’s something children perceive. Giving money is something you have to do, but children don’t really understand it, especially during the first three years, which are the most precious. They learn that time equals love. Therefore, I place great importance on this. I reflected on my pre-marriage plans, focusing on finances to ensure I would have time for my children. Once I have children, I consider myself a father who makes time for them, a real father, reading bedtime stories every night and picking them up and dropping them off every day.
We are creating a real-life father; therefore, what will our future children be like?
James Ruangsak: He said that if a child truly had a real father, the little voice in their head would hear him when they were about to do something wrong. They would feel that they didn’t want to disappoint their parents. Children who don’t have real parents feel empty in their lives. It’s like there’s no invisible connection holding them together. They might act without thinking. Therefore, I think the time parents give their children when they are young is a “little voice,” a small voice that gives them the self-control to avoid doing the wrong things in the future. The most precious thing in the world is time, right? Because you can’t buy it back. But for me, something more precious than time is the time of my children, because that can’t be reversed.
And now that we’ve done this, have we seen any results yet?
James Ruangsak: It’s very clear. Meda is what you’d call a child who has an abundance of love. Because she has so much love, she doesn’t need to look for it from other sources. Therefore, if she goes to any society or place where they force children to do bad things, or where there’s a tendency for children to do bad things as well, she’ll just turn her back and walk away.
When we have children, some families might face problems because the wife and husband both have to look after the children, leaving them distant from each other. Did you ever think about planning or what to do about that?
James Ruangsak: Believe it or not, this was actually one of our plans before getting married. My wife and I, and you might think we’re exaggerating, sat down before we registered our marriage and wrote down a list, item by item. We listed finances, our relationship, our families, our friends, our parents, and even about having children. We made a list that said, “When we have children, we must not abandon the culture of being a couple.” It’s not like I can dedicate 100% of my time to the children. Because ultimately, we are the ones raising the children, right? If the parents aren’t happy, where will the children be happy? So, we must not forget the importance of the relationship. I’m saying this without hesitation: nature created this for couples to express their love, to touch each other, to convey this feeling. It’s a way of showing that you are still my number one.
Do you have any advice for couples having problems because the wife is too busy taking care of the children and the husband doesn’t understand?
James Ruangsak: Let’s go back to the days before the wedding, back to the plan. Is it the same picture? Is it the same end goal? My wife and I have the same end goal: to see our children happy, and to see the two of us happy in our old age. If it’s the same picture, then we can look back and see that this is part of our Action Plan: to continue maintaining our love as before. And when we step back, we understand each other better. Because once we understand, we won’t be frustrated with each other.
Metta is about to be born. Did James tell Meda anything?
James Ruangsak: He’s involved in every step. Whether it’s the mother’s nutrition, or Kru Kooi’s self-care, he’s the one who checks the protein for her and asks why, saying, “I want the baby to be healthy.” He’s been there from the nutrition stage, to the doctor’s visits, to the ultrasounds, to the embryo transfer. He’s explained everything to her, saying, “We’re doing this. The baby is coming.” Because he’s involved in every step, he feels like he’s a part of it. Most importantly, we shouldn’t let the older person feel like their love is being shared or their importance is diminished once the baby is born. So now, I’m fully focused on Meda and letting him be involved in every step. Everything blends together seamlessly.
Are children born through scientific processes different from those born naturally?
James Ruangsak: Actually, it might be better. The old belief is that IVF babies are not normal. That’s not true at all. IVF babies are also made by combining eggs and sperm, just like natural conception. The doctors just make the process much more reliable, selecting the best egg and keeping them in a controlled environment until the embryo develops to a Day 5 blastocyst, then it’s implanted and the chromosomes are checked. So the process is just like natural conception. Therefore, the child is a normal child and can be raised normally.
Could you tell us about the inspiration behind creating the BabyandMom.co.th page with Teacher Kooi?
James Ruangsak: The inspiration for BabyandMom comes from our current followers across all platforms, estimated at around 700,000. It’s a community for those who want to have children, as well as those experiencing infertility, seeking knowledge and information on proper fertility. It all started from the heart of Teacher Kooi’s experience as a mother struggling with infertility. As she mentioned, Teacher Kooi herself encountered this problem firsthand, understanding the feelings, the suffering, and the emotional scars. It wasn’t just about not having children; it was a wound in the heart, stemming from a lack of knowledge. Therefore, to go from ignorance to knowledge, we must learn. BabyandMom grew through our learning and sharing this knowledge with the mothers who follow our page. That’s how we created what we call “Teacher Kooi’s Guide,” which Teacher Kooi is currently writing as a book.
Some men take excellent care of themselves, but we can never be sure that we might be contributing to their failure. How should men take care of themselves?
James Ruangsak: Remember my saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” This is absolutely true. A man might be strong and muscular, but his sperm might be weak. Let me explain: first and foremost, you need to understand that a man’s sperm quality needs to be assessed through a medical process. There are three things to consider: 1. Quantity, 2. Mobility, and 3. Quality. You need to see a doctor for a checkup to identify any abnormalities.
What are your expectations for your child’s future, or what direction do you want their life to take?
James Ruangsak: I only expect two things: their safety and their happiness. Parents are like planters; we water and cultivate the soil to help the tree grow. Where the tree branches is up to it. Don’t prune it so much that it can’t grow as it should. I’m fortunate, and Medama is fortunate in one respect: she has the opportunity to try everything she wants to do. Her parents did their best. So I always tell my children to use their strengths to their advantage. If they have choices, they should pursue them. I don’t want them to be stressed. I support them in learning to write and read, raising their hands to answer teacher questions, and enjoying their studies and playing every day. Therefore, I don’t have high expectations; I give them opportunities to choose. Ultimately, their lives are their own.
James shared his memorable experiences as a father.
James Ruangsak: Many of my friends are wondering if they want to have children. They ask me, “Is having children good?” I try to give them good answers, saying that having children is good, but not having children is also good. Until one day, I realized something for myself: once you have children, you discover what “true love” is. True love, not just between you and your mother, I think the love between a child and a child is “true love.” Sometimes, the love between a man and a woman might be artificial, but the love between a father and child, or a mother and child, is unconditional and true. People without children don’t understand. It’s a feeling that, no matter what other experiences you have, nothing compares to having your own child. Raising nieces and nephews isn’t the same, raising an adopted child isn’t the same. So I tell my friends, I don’t know what the biggest advantage of having children is, but the most memorable thing is that I found true love.
